


Gaga/Dalton

by whenidance



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-23
Updated: 2010-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-21 23:03:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/230833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenidance/pseuds/whenidance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the crackiest thing I ever did write. Carl Howell shows up at Dalton with his magic laughing gas, David’s iPod plays Gaga nonstop, and Kurt pops up inappropriately in David, Wes, & Blaine’s fantasies. <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/kurt_blaine/6639.html?thread=13467887#t13467887">For this prompt.</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Gaga/Dalton

“So, why are we all here again?” David asked, looking over at Wes and Blaine sitting beside him. They were sitting in the hallway waiting to be called into an empty classroom that had temporarily been turned into … a dentist’s office.

“This Dr. Howell guy offered the parents a reduced rate for any problems if he was able to give us all a cleaning,” Blaine explained, but not sounding entirely sure himself. “He’s from Lima, I think he’s married to Kurt’s old guidance counselor, which sort of gave him an in?” Blaine was pretty sure Dr. Howell was only thinking about dollar signs.

“I can’t believe we had to cancel a Warblers practice for this,” Wes huffed, visibly annoyed. Since Dalton required all students to participate in at least one extracurricular activity, the administration had set up the dental appointments during them. All of the other Warblers had gone in ahead of them; they were the last three to see Dr. Howell.

Kurt exited the classroom, smiling bright with his bag slung over his shoulder. “That was quick,” Blaine told him.

“I have been blessed with very strong teeth and excellent dental hygiene,” Kurt replied, thinking fondly of his mother, who he had to thank for both. “Plus, Dr. Howell had seen me earlier in the year when he did this same stint at McKinley.” He rolled his eyes a little and tapped David on the arm. “You’re up next!”

David smiled nervously. He hated dentists, stemming back to his childhood experiences with an awful one. He reluctantly got up, and Blaine shoved him closer to the door. He flipped Blaine off, but walked in and didn’t look back.

Dr. Howell was a nice enough man from appearances, David decided. “Hi! Nice to meet you, are you Wes, David, or Blaine?” he asked, looking at the remaining files. He looked up and held out his hand for David to shake.

“David,” David replied, a little shaky. “Sorry, I’m kind of terrified of dentists.”

Dr. Howell smiled his megawatt smile. “No worries. Have a seat and let me take a look.”

David ended up having only one small cavity, surprising since he hadn’t been to the dentist in almost ten years. He thought it would be much worse. Since he was terrified of the dentist though, his oral care routine rivaled Kurt’s, and that had probably helped. Before he knew it, Dr. Howell was asking if he had an iPod and slipping a mask over his face. It all happened so quick he didn’t even have time to be terrified …

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Nr33m1zXVE>

 _Beautiful, Dirty, Rich_ came up on David’s iPod. He shut his eyes and drifted. To his shock, his dream, or hallucination, perhaps, since he was drugged up, was a replica of the music video. But instead of Lady Gaga and her posse, it was the Warblers. Singing regularly, not a capella, in the hall outside the Warbler study. Kurt was taking the lead and Wes and Blaine were on either side of him. All of the Warblers were behind, dressed in tight boxer briefs, and Kurt was wearing red ones, with some hooded shirt. Wes and Blaine had blacked out their eyes with eyeliner.

They marched in unison into the Warbler study while Kurt sang.  _We've got a redlight pornographic dance fight, honey. But we got no money._ The head table was covered with hundred dollar bills. Kurt sat where Wes usually sat, with Blaine on his right and Wes on his left, and continued singing _. Daddy, I’m so sorry, I’m so so-so-sorry, yeah. We just like to party, like to pa-pa-party, yeah._ Kurt hopped up on top of the money and rolled around with it. Kurt finished, he took his seat, and he, Wes, and Blaine did a series of hand movements in unison, sort of dancing while sitting.

Kurt got up and continued to dance around the room, Wes and Blaine following him and imitating. The rest of the Warblers stood behind the head table, which made no sense. _We live a cute life (sound fanatic), pants tight (tighter than plastic), honey. But we got no money._ There wasn’t enough space for them there. But, they all fit perfectly, doing the hand movement dancing, while Kurt, Wes and Blaine made their way over to the statue in the corner and started dancing and grinding on it. _Bang, bang! We’re beautiful and dirty rich._ In between lyrics, Kurt leaned over and kissed Blaine hard on the mouth, and to David’s surprise, he turned and did the same thing to Wes.

They made their way over to the piano and all three began dancing on the piano. The rest of the Warblers surrounded the piano and began to dance with them. _We do the dance right, we have got it made like ice cream topped with honey. But we got no money._ They finished out the song, singing together and grinding on each other like this was some gay bar, not _Dalton freakin’ Academy,_ and then, as a finale, Kurt hopped off the piano, walked over to the table, and set it on fire, money and all. He started laughing manically and all of the Warblers joined in.

When David finally woke up, he was so confused and out of it, he didn’t even hear what Dr. Howell had told him. He found himself in the hallway with Wes and Blaine, who were visibly worried. He must look bad.

“Hey, David, you okay?” Blaine asked in a soft, slow voice.

David shook his head a little, as if to clear it from what just happened. “Uh, yeah, guys, I’m fine. Just still a little drugged. Honestly, it wasn’t bad at all. I just listened to my iPod.”

Wes smacked his head. “Shit, I forgot my iPod.” He looked at David with puppy dog eyes, silently pleading.

David pulled the iPod from his jacket pocket and handed it to him. “Just don’t break it, please.”

Wes also had a cavity, his first one ever. Before he knew it, he was putting David’s earbuds in his ear and turning on the iPod. David had been listening to Lady Gaga. That worked, Wes had a secret Lady Gaga love. He shook the iPod once to shuffle and he was out.

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qTw1kkFvlU>

 _Boys, Boys, Boys_ was what it switched to. Wes was inexplicably in the Dalton quad with the rest of the Warblers. When the song started, it wasn’t Lady Gaga singing, it was Kurt and David. Wes was sitting on the outside stairs to the dorms with Blaine and the rest of the Warblers marched slowly, in unison, behind Kurt and David.

He looked next to him, at Blaine, who was grinning wildly and patting him on the bac _k. I like you a lot lot, think you’re really hot hot._ The boys were slinking towards them, loosening their ties. When they got to the chorus, Wyatt appeared out of nowhere and started fist pumping.  
 _  
Boys boys boys. We like boys in cars. Boys boys boys. Buy us drinks in bars._ The mob finally made it to the stairs and Kurt pointed a finger at Wes and Blaine and curled it towards himself, beckoning them to follow. They headed towards the parking lot doing this half walk, half dance, all sexy sort of movement. _We love them! We love them!_ Wes could hear the rest of the Warblers still behind them.

They were finally standing outside Blaine’s BMW and the four of them got in. He got that Kurt was singing to Blaine … but was David singing to him? This was so weird. _I'm not loose, I like to party. Let's get lost in your Ferrari._ Blaine started to drive, with Wes up front, and the boys kept singing in the back seat. _Not psychotic or dramatic. I like boys and that is that._

They were on the freeway, and the only car on the normally congested road. Blaine drove fast with the top down, but they could hear Kurt and David singing just fine. The backup track and the rest of the Warblers came in over the car stereo. _Watch your heart when we’re together, boys like you love me forever._

As quickly as they left, they were back at Dalton, walking back towards the quad. Now all of the Warblers, plus Wyatt, were jumping up and down and fist pumping as they sang along with Kurt and David. _Boys boys boys! We love them!_ Kurt reached for Blaine and pulled him into a kiss and the Warblers all cheered. They then turned their attention to Wes and David. David was wiggling his eyebrows and walking towards Wes. This made no sense. They were both straight. With girlfriends.

Before David could get to him, however, Dr. Howell was shaking him. “You, okay, Wes? You don’t look to well. Maybe you had a bad reaction to the meds.”

His eyes darted back and forth. He was here. At Dalton. At the dentist. No Gaga. No … weirdness. Dr. Howell pushed a bottle of juice in his hand and told him to drink it. “Better?” Dr. Howell asked.

Wes could just nod. “Good! You had me scared there for a moment.” Dr. Howell laughed nervously. Wes wondered if he was using expired laughing gas or something for a moment, but couldn’t really register the thought before Dr. Howell was shoving him out the door and asking for Blaine.

Blaine watched Wes wander out of the classroom looking worse off than David did. What was going on in there? “Wes!” Blaine exclaimed.

“Oh, hey, Blaine. Do you have an iPod? Here, take David’s,” Wes said, looking blankly down the hall and shoving the iPod in his hands before he could answer.

Blaine had his iPhone with him, but he took it anyways. “Uh … okay. Anything you want to tell me, Wes?”

Wes put his hands on Blaine’s shoulders and looked him square in the eye. “Good luck.” Blaine gave him a worried expression, which Wes ignored.

“Blaine, Blaine, Blaine!” Dr. Howell exclaimed. “Last patient of the day! Have a seat and open wide.”

Blaine ended up having two cavities. He had been in this situation before, so he wasn’t worried. He decided to use David’s iPod instead of his, just for the change of music. It seemed as Wes had been listening to Lady Gaga. Blaine was surprised he was a fan. Blaine liked Lady Gaga enough, but he really only knew her hits. He knew Kurt was a major Gaga fan, so he scrolled through the playlist. He stopped when he saw one song called _Teeth_. A dorky grin spread over his face. _Teeth!_ How perfect!

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vk5vRoc0_nk>

Blaine was sitting on a chair on the stage of the auditorium. He was all alone, but the music was playing. He looked around, trying to figure out where the music was coming from. He then saw Kurt, walking down the aisle. He was wearing the tightest grey jeans Blaine had ever seen, a form fitting tee, and his oldest pair of boots.

Blaine was shocked when Kurt started singing, and even more shocked when he realized maybe the song wasn’t what he thought it was. _Don’t want your money (want your money). Just want your sex (want your sex)._ He was pretty sure his mouth dropped open but Kurt didn’t seem to notice. He could hear the voices of the Warblers singing with him, but couldn’t see them anywhere.

Kurt didn’t break eye contact with him for a second. He walked up the stairs to the stage and Blaine swallowed hard. Kurt marched towards him, in tune with the song, and sat down in Blaine’s lap, facing him. _T_ _ell me something that’ll save me, I need a man who makes me alright._ Kurt was so close, their chests touching, their faces just inches from each other. Blaine had the overwhelming urge to reach out and pull Kurt into him even closer, but his arms wouldn’t work. _Show me your teeth (just tell me when). Show me your teeth (open your mouth boy). Show me your teeth (show me whatcha got)_. Kurt pushed his hips downward against Blaine before standing up and beginning to dance. Blaine silently groaned. He wanted to call out to him and tell him to come back, but it seemed his voice wouldn’t work either.

Kurt continued dancing. _Got no religion (no religion)_. Blaine didn’t realize Kurt was so flexible … or the human body could even bend in the ways he was moving. _My religion is you_. Blaine had never been so turned on in his life. He wanted nothing more than to push Kurt up against the wall and kiss him silly, but he was still stationed, immobile on the chair.

Kurt walked back over and kneeled next to Blaine. All of the nerves in Blaine’s body stood on end. _I just need a little guidance,_ Kurt whispered in Blaine’s ear. Kurt ran his teeth over Blaine’s jaw before going back the other way with his tongue. _Tell me something that'll change me._ Blaine was thankful that none of his muscles seemed to work, because if they did, he would be screaming in agony right now. I _'m gonna love you with my hands tied_ _._ Wonderful, blissful, perfect agony.  
 _  
Help, need a man, now show me your fangs._ Kurt was straddling Blaine again, singing whisper soft against his lips.  
 _  
Help, need a man, now show me your fangs._ Blaine could feel Kurt’s breath on his face. If he could just move an inch, he would be able to kiss Kurt.  
 _  
Help, need a man, now show me your fangs._ It was as if he was under Kurt’s spell, and Kurt wanted him to stay put so he could torture him. Blaine probably deserved it for being such an idiot and not making a move sooner.  
 _  
Just tell me that it’s alright._ Blaine wanted to tell Kurt that it would be alright, that they would take care of each other, in more ways than one. Actually, Kurt would have taken care of Blaine already with all of the grinding he was doing, but it seemed those muscles didn’t work either.  
 _  
I just need a little guidance. Show me your teeth._ And with that, Kurt was done, walking off the stage as if nothing had ever happened, leaving Blaine motionless in the chair.

Blaine awoke with a start, thanking Gaga herself that he wore his baggiest uniform pants that day. Dr. Howell was shoving a cup of mouthwash in his hand, telling him to rinse. Blaine’s right jaw felt numb and a little sore, right where Kurt had licked.

“Dr. Howell, how long before I can feel my jaw again?”

He smiled. “Oh, you’ll be back to normal in an hour or two. I used the kind that wears off quickly.”

An hour or two? This was quick? Blaine couldn’t wait an hour or two to see Kurt. Blaine looked at his watch. Six-thirty. Even if it took two hours, Blaine would have an hour and a half before curfew to find Kurt.

Maybe he would take a shower. Yeah. A shower would cool him down. And maybe speed up the de-numbing process.

In reality, it did neither. Blaine was pacing his dorm room with a warm compress to his face, thankful that his roommate was at soccer practice so he didn’t have anyone to witness the craziness. He decided he couldn’t be alone in his room anymore, so he wandered to David’s dorm to return the wretched iPod, and then went to check on Wes. How odd that they weren’t together. Wes _was_ pretty shaken up after his dentist visit, and Blaine found him sleeping in his dorm room.

Blaine still hadn’t eaten anything due to his frozen face, so he went down to the café for a late snack. As he ate his muffin and sipped his coffee, he determined that his face had enough feeling to proceed and went to Kurt’s dorm.

When Blaine knocked and opened the door, he saw Kurt listening to his own iPod. Kurt waved and paused the iPod before removing the earbuds. He finally got a good look at Blaine, and eyed him warily. “What is it with you guys and the dentist? David looked confused as hell after his visit, Wes looked scared shitless, and you look …” Kurt looked him over as if he couldn’t place the look in Blaine’s eyes.

Blaine didn’t give him the chance to figure it out. He grabbed Kurt’s shoulders and pulled him close, pressing their lips together. Kurt made a startled squeak before kissing him back, and maybe Blaine’s mouth was still number than he thought.

“Sorry,” he whispered when they broke. “I’ve been waiting to come see you for over two hours while the numbing stuff wore off, and I guess I didn’t wait long enough.”

Kurt just laughed at him. “The good news is if you’re that good a kisser on Lidocaine, I can’t wait to see how fantastic you are when it wears off.”

A week later, Kurt and Blaine walked down the science wing, holding hands. They saw Wes and David practically run into each other, awkwardly apologize, and walk away quickly in opposing directions.

“What is up with them lately?” Kurt mused to Blaine.

Blaine grinned. “They just haven’t given into their fantasies yet.”


End file.
